A metal band rushes to take promotional photos in front of a burning house before firefighters put it out


NARBERTH, Pa. — Local thrash metal band Gore Primordial hastily held an impromptu photoshoot when it was discovered that a destructive house fire had broken out across town, friends of the band report.

“We were really desperate to get a picture of the band in front of a really heinous fire,” said Gore Primordial drummer Myra Byrd after recovering from smoke inhalation. “We bought a police scanner and kept listening when a real scorcher came on the radio. We missed a few because our bassist Cecil was at work and by the time we got there there was nothing but piles of wet wood. This time we were ready and got a great shot just as the flames burst through the top floor window.

The fire department, however, was not particularly pleased with the group’s attempts.

“We’ve had a really curious wave of fires over the past few weeks,” Narberth Fire Battalion Chief Emilio Campbell said after putting out the blaze and saving the life of a small child. “But every time a fire starts, these kids call 911 and ask if we can wait to put it out until they’re all there. I will say it’s a real coincidence that these fires started just a few weeks before this band released their new album. One way or another, they all have alibis and are backed by the same Taco Bell employee every time. Looks suspicious.

Public relations expert Becky Caldwell applauded the group’s ingenuity.

“Pyrotechnics and controlled fires are actually very expensive and difficult to coordinate,” Caldwell explained. “If you can get the same shot out in the wild, you’ll save tons of money. Many low-budget groups go guerrilla-style, photographing poor areas, homeless people, protest riots and bar patrons. This saves you money and gives you a sense of gritty realism.

As of press time, Gore Primordial was seen strolling around the local cemetery hoping to capture a burial for their upcoming album cover.


About Author

Comments are closed.